The farther from home you go, the more likely to are to draw stares. Don’t sweat it. It’s a cultural thing.
In the movie “The Falcon and the Snowman” (1985), an amateur spy played by Sean Penn is waiting to meet his KGB contact in Mexico City when he’s ambushed by Mexican police.
As he’s being stuffed into a waiting car, he puts on the “outraged gringo tourist” act, complete with the classic “I’m an American citizen!”
The cop’s even more classic reply: “This is not America!”
Keep that in mind if you ever find yourself in a foreign country — and find people staring at you.
I’ve been places, Japan in particular, where people stared until it seemed I could feel a hundred eyes following my every step and gesture.
Add to that the tendency of folks in some cultures to smile or giggle in an uncertain or awkward moment, and the first thought to cross our minds is, “They’re making fun of me because I’m black!”
Maybe. Maybe not.
In the Western world in general, America in particular and black American culture specifically, we don’t stare. To us, it’s bad manners at best, and at worst, an invitation to trouble.
The words “Who YOU lookin’ at?!” have been the prelude to some truly unfortunate events.
Throw in the hair-trigger sensitivity that some of “us” have about racism, add in a little jet lag on the side, and you may become an “incident” waiting to happen.
The key thing to remember: You’re not at home. In many parts of the world, staring is accepted behavior. People will stare at anything that’s interesting or unfamiliar — and in their eyes, you may well qualify on both counts.
STARING THROUGH GLASS
In reality, the whole staring thing cuts both ways, especially when the foreigner is staring back through a camera lens. A lot of people around the world really resent this, and I can’t blame them.
It’s an interesting issue for me, because as a black American who travels around the world, I am literally on both sides of the camera lens. Daily.
As a traveler, you know that the people you encounter, especially those from cultures radically different from our own, are an important part of your trip.
For some of us, they’re the main reason we travel.
Bottom line, the tourist rudely sticks a camera in someone’s face and shoots away. The traveler asks their consent first.
This is especially true when dealing with rural people. If all you know of other nationalities is what you’ve “heard” from friends or seen on television, seeing a foreigner on the street can be a pretty big deal.
You don’t have to be black to get this kind of treatment. As the UK’s Ian Bishop found out while spending three years in Japan, all you have to be is different:
“I…grew irritated that my obvious ‘foreign-ness’ made me stand out in crowds, and that the Japanese always used to stare at foreigners.”
You could just “go ghetto” on anyone you catch staring at you, but only thing you’re likely to accomplish with that is to get a lot more people staring at you longer.
And if some of those additional staring eyes happen to belong to policemen, you could find yourself in the midst of a lot of unwanted — and needless — drama.
Remember: In their environment, staring is normal. You, on the other hand, are not.
So don’t sweat it. It’s only a fleeting moment, featuring lots of people whom you don’t know and will never see again, so who cares?
And before you jump down the collective throat of an entire country or culture for people’s staring habits, you need to take a long, honest look first in the mirror.
Seasoned travelers tend to dress in a way calculated to draw less attention to themselves. To them, “bling” is the sound made by a bicycle bell. Wherever they are, theirs is not the loudest voice in the place.
None of that guarantees they won’t be stared at, but they probably won’t be stared at nearly as long as someone whose conduct practically screams “All eyes on me!”
To put it another way: If your personal style is calculated to draw attention to you at home, don’t be surprised when it works even better — and quite possibly to your detriment — abroad.
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Great post, Greg. I’ve had my blond hair stroked in an Andean village in Ecuador, been gawked at on the bus in Seville, but neither experience prepared me for China, where at 5’7″ I towered over everyone (and EVERYONE is Chinese). And, carrying my Chinese daughter, I attracted intense interest, and even small groups of people followed me down the street and through the stores. I’d never been in such a homogeneous society. Upon returning to LAX, I was so happy to see the tall, black LAPD cop I nearly jumped into his arms.
Good post. I’ve been stared at in Peru and in Rome. In Peru, kids pointed, laughed and stared. Sure, I was annoyed. It wasn’t my personal style–unless you count “black female” as a personal style. I’ve come to accept it as part of branching out as a black traveler.
I’m used to being stared at because I have locs and because I tend to do things that not a lot of people of color do so I never thought about being stared at during my travels. I don’t think I can remember really being stared at in another country, it happens more often here!
Excellent post, Greg! The staring thing doesn’t just happen in other countries. Sometimes it can happen right here in the USA in places where some think “we” don’t go. People are always fascinated by ‘strangers’, hence the reason they stare. Best not to take it too personally, I’ve discovered.
I have always looked at it another way: Being stared at in another country is a great excuse to smile at the starer and initiate a conversation.
Especially in rural areas in developing countries. Great way to meet people, and to make a good first impression. Lord knows we Americans make enough bad ones.
Well put, David, and you’re absolutely right about the importance of us Americans to make a good global impression. A smile and a few moments of friendly interaction can do more to raise our image in the world than tons of foreign aid. Way to represent, David!
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This is a great post (and great site – glad I found you!). I wonder if some people who stare believe (or might claim) staring to be flattering? Most people would probably agree that men do stare more than women, and (some) might argue that it’s flattery vs. rudeness.Staring is attention and it is true that some (many?) people crave attention. Is it worse to “not see” someone? People do that too.
Excessive staring (and taking pictures without getting permission) could be perceived as rude and aggressive. But if the starer is curious and appears friendly, is that such a bad thing?
You raise good points. There are undoubtedly those who perceive both staring and being stared at as flattering. Let’s face it, both men and women “dress to impress,” which suggests that they want to be noticed, admired, whatever. Is it a matter of degree? How long the stare lasts? Is there a fine line between looking and staring? Is the person seeking to be seen in a kind of unspoken, touchless tango with the one who stares? And who knew that a look could ever get so complicated!