Why do the Germans have to be such brilliant engineers? They refuse to let me see the rest of Europe!

A monorail train hangs suspended from a suspension bridge over a street in Wuppertal, Germany.

Damn those Germans! Every time I think I’m done with Germany, they come up with something to pull me back.

I can’t help it. It’s the geek in me.

First, it was the Magdeburg water bridge. Now, I have to work in the northern Rhine city called Wuppertal.

At this rate, I’ll never see the rest of Europe!

Never heard of Wuppertal? Neither had I until very recently. Population about 350,000 — slightly larger than New Orleans, slightly smaller than the city of Oakland, built on either side of a river. Apparently, it’s very “green,” with two-thirds of it being woods, gardens, parks, fields and so on.

It’s also got some history to it, being the birthplace of Friedrich Engels, who co-wrote The Communist Manifesto along with Karl Marx.

And it’s the birthplace of Friedrich Bayer. Yes, that Bayer, the aspirin people. Which makes Wuppertal, among other things, the birthplace of heroin.

But neither those historical tidbits nor all that greenery is what’s pulling me to this place. It’s the Schwebebahn — their monorail.

Okay, maybe you rode monorails as a kid at Disneyland or Disneyworld, but this is no amusement ride. This is how Wuppertal gets around, as this YouTube video shows.

Most monorail trains ride on top of their single rail. In Wuppertal, they hang from theirs.

Passengers ride in cars suspended in space, 24 feet over the streets and 40 feet over the river, at speeds around 40 miles per hour. That “hang” allows them to tilt on curves, so the trains never have to slow down for them.

This would be some pretty slick technology even today. The Germans came up with it in 1901, two years before the Wright Brothers got off the ground. A century and change later, the system is still moving people — 75,000 a day, 25 million a year.

It even managed to survive the World War 2 bombing that wasted nearly half the town.

Now you know I have to ride this thing!

FOOTNOTE
You may wonder, “Why couldn’t Los Angeles come up with something like this?”

Back in 1963, the Swedish firm Alweg, which built the monorail in Seattle, offered Los Angeles a 40-mile monorail line. They’d keep the fares until the construction was paid for, then hand it to the city. Cost to the taxpayers: zero.

The City Council’s response: We like our gridlock. We think smog is sexy. Go away.

If you drive around L.A. today, no need to tell you the rest of the story. You’re living it.

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